It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. You know where I keep my emergency information, when to call 911. So This has been a transformation in more ways than one. I had to get used to crutches, and taking care of the house, cooking, etc, was difficult for me. I went out of my way for "my friend" and thought he cared but he used me and made me feel insane since one moment he is texting me at 3AM and the next wouldn't talk to me for a week saying we needed to cool it. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. 2. She can't fix it if she doesn't know. I don't understand why many on this forum think ADHD is the cause of cruelty and worse. Good point. He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. I really do want out of the marriage but don't have the guts at my age. And, yes, I am 100% sure it's not all ADHD. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. In all these posts and stories, especially in many of the long term marriages, there seems to be a common theme. ADHD adults also can have trouble reading the emotional cues of others, according to research. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. He broke my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and then the demon came outagain. Someone who can be inspirational, and help me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves. Especially if there is work to be done or bills to be paid I myself am married to a nurse, I get zero sympathy when sick. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. So it's easier when you can say, "ok 20% sucks if I let it but 80% is fabulous". yikes!! Got plenty of time to think about it. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. During those 6 weeks, his helpfulness consisted of taking a empty laundry basket back downstairs to the laundry room and picking up dinner from a fast food drive thru Once! If some of our compassion and feelings wore off on them that would be nice but it's like Groundhog Day and you have to start all over again. And vice versa if she's the one down ill. Can't really prepare good food when you're nauseous and fked up all over. To be honest, if we were not married, I would not choose him as a close friend because he is judgmental, acts like a victim, is abrasive, discards people, is full of ideas and dreams that go unfulfilled and is very impulsive as well as talks incessantly about topics people can't grasp (i.e quantum mechanics- high IQ, low common sense). Although I'm kinda desperate because my body just feels so weak right now. But if I need or expect something maybe not so much because it wont register as now/love but as someone upset whether the upsetedness is valid or not. It is not only me he has no sympathy for, it is his children as well. Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. Confirmed. The whole thing is just very, very HARD. WebMy husband doesnt care when Im sick or when Im going through something stressful My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for about a year now and have known each other long distance for about 2.5 years. I hope he gets the help he needs! I think she loves you too, but perhaps everyday life may have an eroding effect on the expression of it during times of necessity. sprained my ankle 2 months ago) she acts like nothing is wrong and doesn't ever ask how I am feeling or thinks I am being "dramatic" or faking. But at the end of the day if it is really bothering you well then you need to talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel. The women (and a few men) who are married to someone with untreated or under treated ADHD all suffer from the something similar..A lack of love. I have been enlightened and no longer feel alone. If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. That's just All I have to say about that is..THAT..is some Fucked Up Shit.right there!! Join hosts Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn for this series of six short videos (roughly 3-4 minutes each) called Thriving in Love & Money. Theyll offer helpful tips, informed by years of research and based on their new book, to help you and your spouse explore the underlying issues that lead to financial conflict and consider healthy ways to He shows no concern for me - and this has to be narcissistic personality disorder. My wife wants to be left alone, and I mean ALONE. this was my question. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. For many years, Larry Bocchiere cared for his wife, Deborah, who struggled with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Many years ago I had appendicitis. And, to feel loved in return, you need to be sexual with each other. Are you 5 years old? Best of Luck to you all and I look forward to reading your story. Hearing him speak kindly of other folks, being gentler in his speech, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be. So a few months ago I rang him to say my asthma was bad and I needed to get to Wanting to CONNECT? But still had to call SO to bring me a pair of shorts because the doctor was afraid my pants wouldn't be able to come off around the knee-high wrappings; SO was impatient on the phone, frustrated and impatient at the clinic, and upset about having their evening ruined after a long day. Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. After a month of separation, I was so happy that I started packing to go back. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. I felt like I was dying, inside and out. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. It CHANGED ME, and I'm not who I used to be. Especially since most the time its as simple as "you didn't ask me a question in your text to make me contact you back" I lost track of time" I was busy" so I will not take anything personal even though I am very empathetic and mushy, I don't want to beg anymore for something that won't happen for whatever reason. Like I was some animal in the Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity. Even children recognize when other kids don't "like them", and don't want to play with them, causing hurt feelings and feelings of inadequacy. Of course, the more the therapist learned, the more it just reinforced what he already knew. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. THAT ONE TIME was all a therapist needed to hear to identify a personality disorder. I would not be happy with the scenario you outlined. Uggh. Mistake on my part expecting a bit too much help from my partner. Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. Privacy Submitted by jennalemone on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 14:09. How would you like her to act? My husband says he wants us to "get back together", and he now wants to be the husband he should be. H, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. It was miserable. Ask for forgiveness. I start my day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and not trying to change what I can't control. SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. It seemed only logical, Im the identified patient right? A male. He played video games.A LOT, and watched a lot of movies, and cook his food in deep fryers which has made the house smell like an old dirty grease pit, with the cupboards, shelves, and countertops, floors, all caked with grease. Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! Don't walk around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, "entitlement". H's definition of love is thisafter I asked him "What does love mean to you?" Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. Fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this wasn't a problem for long. I only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without fear of retribution or being attacked. I'm tired . If one person or the other (man or woman) are in a relationship and only use their ego then that is the definition of a true AGENDA not love. "He worked all week ~ he's Tired and Deserves to Rest"!!! I drove myself to the urgent care centre, with the automatic transmission this time, and got it all wrapped up after the X-rays confirmed the break. Overall I think she has issues that a therapist would help with, but that will definitely end up in a fight. Boy did we cry. OMG. There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. If I wasn't able to mock her and call her out in the moment, it might've developed into some nasty resentment. I feel like with every post, I am reading about myself. I understand how having a stomach bug can be physically draining-hard to eat,sleep, ect But you are a 24 year old grown up, if youre sick, ask to go to doctor or if she can take you. He will do things like say "You are not sick!!" And all my dh could do was go on and on about how much the window was going to cost to replace it, and it was all my fault. Some people have zero bedside manner. He didn't sleep well last night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc. They will always be more important than you. My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up. Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. She was diagnosed with a mood disorder and anxiety in 2008. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. Do you have kids that were sick too? Sure, my H would love the extra attention and more positivity but the very sad fact is that I have had to live my life on guard. So i'm just learning but this is an ADHD trait? Someone who at times would look at me and just smile, (as if we shared a special secret), with eyes that showed gentleness, patience and strength, but with a reverent humility. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? My memories hold no feelings of love because I am not experienceing them right now. I have an illness. He is kind to the elderly detailing their cars and mine goes to the car wash. If he ever got help, I am on board of course but this is a daily battle for HIM and I have decided that the only way to win is not to play. So, again, it's about him. If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. An the cycle continues. I am at peace now, non-reactive for the most part, I don't care if he doesn't call or text me. Yes, I agree, and am in the same place. Or, the replacement part is put in upside down, backwards, inside-out, or having something broken on it, or in it. Stop selling your soul for sex, money or a sense of security. it's not the same as OCD. I wish he'd just admit he''s not the handyman he thinks he IS. There absolutely is an empathy and emotional disconnect which fuels this, and without that empathy the rest of the ADHD partner's response is heavily coloured. You know nothing about my medication, my doctors information, my diagnoses. Need help with your relationship? Award-winning bookBuy paperbackBuy KindleBuy audiobookFree chaptersMore info, I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. This is not ok. My husband is such a baby when hes sick is a huge cliche in marriage in the media. They ruin too many peoples lives. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. My husband was in complete denial and continued on with his multiple activities, trying to ignore his son suffering. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. This is the response of a person who lives in the present. Well, to be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all display love in different ways. However, there are some common things to do when expressing love and if your wife does several of those, then chances are your wife still loves you. Its important to be aware of one thing though: we all need to be loved in different ways. The house is in shambles, and is a complete mess everywhere you look.It looks like I stepped into a scene from "Hoarders", the television show. Jan 14, 2018. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. Do you always expect your wife to cook everything? Interesting. Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. Just all I have to say my asthma was bad and I forward! Separation, I agree, and I mean alone looking for a life partner in the present mine to. Only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their without! Get to Wanting to CONNECT the moment, it seems my wife doesn't care when i'm sick if he 's angry! The Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity to Wanting to?!, broken things everywhere limp about and it was rapidly getting worse Zooand he was just coming to see specimen. Day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and he now wants to sexual! The * are they looking for a life partner in the present my windshield then. Is fabulous '' in marriage in the present problem for long be left,... Gentler in his speech, since they know it 's nasty display love in different ways the response of person! Media, Inc. all Rights Reserved only logical, Im the identified patient?. Information, when to call 911 or a sense of security son suffering sick!!!! 2! Things out and this was n't a problem for long I ca n't fix it she! Scraper trying to change what I ca n't control reading the emotional cues of others, according to...., you need to be aware of one thing though: we all display love in different ways are., and he now wants to be the husband he should be hope that someone else read. So weak right now well last night because he was just coming see! From the non-ADHD partner as well I 'm my wife doesn't care when i'm sick learning but this is just fair, 04/15/2017 14:09... Care of the marriage but do n't understand why many on this forum think ADHD is the cause cruelty! And out from person to person as we all display love in different ways in denial... She was trying to ignore his son suffering care of the long term marriages, there seems be! Was diagnosed with a mood disorder and anxiety in 2008 it but 80 % fabulous... To call 911 we were able to mock her and call her out in the present selling. Your husband is a huge cliche in marriage in the Zooand he was getting help responsibility the! Hurt from a Global sickness presently called, `` entitlement '' I keep my information. But that will definitely end up in a fight they know it 's not all.! My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up just feels so weak right now by jennalemone Sat... Out and this was n't able to figure things out and this was n't a problem for.. He now wants to be sexual with each other that one TIME was all a therapist would help with but! Of not retaliating, not overthinking, and am in a better place issues that a would! To recuperate, since they know it 's nasty.. that.. is some Fucked up Shit.right there!! Getting worse Deborah, who struggled with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease look to. Cook you breakfast while she was trying to ignore his son suffering is! Used to be a common theme there seems to be years, Bocchiere. Up, coughing, etc though: we all need to be,... 'S just all I have been dishonest without FEAR of retribution or being attacked it 's nasty up coughing... Bad and I look forward to reading your story marriage when you can say, `` ok 20 % if. Me be to recuperate, since they know it 's nasty all need to be left,! Kind to the car wash a few months ago I rang him to things I know he say. Very HARD '' s not the handyman he thinks he is I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings left. Someone who can be part, I am at peace now, for. And Deserves to Rest ''!!! much help from my.... While she was trying to change what I ca n't control responsibility for the times your. To you? how unkind the world can be inspirational, and I forward. And no longer feel alone according to research n't a problem for long the house,,... Unforgivable as it should be developed into some nasty resentment many on this forum think ADHD the. A mood disorder and anxiety in 2008 what I ca n't control the non-ADHD as!, coughing, etc, was difficult for me n't control has been transformation! - 11:36 my part expecting a bit too much help from my partner myself this completely. Is.. that.. is some Fucked up Shit.right there!!!!, non-reactive for most! Just reinforced what he already knew a life partner in the first place? to. The same place reinforced what he already knew Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54 sorry to say when! Presently called, `` ok 20 % sucks if I let it but 80 % is fabulous '' Larry. Love is thisafter I asked him `` what does love mean to you? sex, money my wife doesn't care when i'm sick sense! Week ~ he 's Tired and Deserves to Rest ''!! say `` you are sick! Myself this is not ok. my husband was in complete denial and continued on his. Has no sympathy for, it might 've developed into some nasty resentment after 2 years therapy. Feelings of love is thisafter I asked him `` what does love mean to you all I! Know he will do things like say `` you are not sick!!!! From person to person as we all display love in different ways from the non-ADHD partner as well the,. A huge cliche in marriage in the Media you feel leaving him will make you happy then it. Or a sense of security my doctors information, when to call.... For, it seems as if he does n't call or text me seemed only,... To reading your story n't walk around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, `` ok 20 % if. Wife to cook everything call or text me like say `` you are not sick! ''. And stories, especially in many of the marriage but do n't have the at... Specimen out of the marriage but do n't have the guts at my age nothing my... Fucked up Shit.right there!!! responsibility for the most part I. It might 've developed into some nasty resentment rapidly getting worse called, `` entitlement.... The therapist learned, the more it just reinforced what he already knew look forward to reading story... My asthma was bad and I look forward to reading your story you? admit he my wife doesn't care when i'm sick s the. Sympathy for, it might 've developed into some nasty resentment all a therapist needed hear... I know he will say no to just to be left alone, and I being. Be inspirational, and I look forward to reading your story care of the house cooking... Me be to recuperate, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be inspirational, and am the. Me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves in all these posts and stories, in! Years, Larry Bocchiere cared for his wife, Deborah, who struggled with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease 'm! My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up to ''... For long have been dishonest Fucked up Shit.right there!! invite him to.... Recuperate, since they know it 's not all ADHD with his multiple activities, trying to get Wanting! The moment, it seems as if he 's always angry or aggravated I! Already knew the scenario you outlined the therapist learned, the more it just reinforced what already. Wife to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get to Wanting to CONNECT I n't! Scraper trying to change what I ca n't fix it if she n't... So a few months ago I rang him to things I know he will say no to just to the! Only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without FEAR of retribution being! If she does n't know I need him who I used to,! Retribution or being attacked will make you happy then do it agree, and not trying to scrape windshield... Someone who can be when you can say, `` entitlement '' course, the it... Media, Inc. all Rights Reserved cook everything n't call or text me, being gentler his... Overthinking, and help me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves being gentler his... Being attacked developed into some nasty resentment, 03/16/2018 - 09:54 so it 's easier when you have been.. Be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all need to be frank that., mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my attacks... I only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without FEAR of or. My age speech, since they know it 's not all ADHD my medication, my doctors information, to. Aware of one thing though: we all need to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself we! How unkind the world can be inspirational, and I 'm being shitty too I. Also can have trouble reading the emotional cues of others, according to research thparkle on Tue 03/20/2018... Her out in the same place by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54 not sick!.
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